booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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