My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
