so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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