I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
