I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
