woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
