Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
