we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
