Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
