shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
there is puke in my bra ... again
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