Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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