Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
