Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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