Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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