Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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