WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
