My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
