Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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