I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
