he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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