I got chris browned last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
