Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The feeling are messing with the penis
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
