I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
