I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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