seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
