i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want to make a zoo with you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
