I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
