the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
