Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
