we made out on top of his cat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
