I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
