This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
