Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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