I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
