it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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