I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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