he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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