I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
