The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
