Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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