he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
