she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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