his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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