I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
