Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
