i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
