We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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