a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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