My first STD was from a foam party
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
