Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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